


Who Needs Rest When You Can Party?

by h2pi



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-05 07:29:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10301087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h2pi/pseuds/h2pi
Summary: What happens when a TWD fan creates TWD sims and sets them loose? Read the day by day accounts of their (crack fic) lives to find out.





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> So I have created a sim game with some of my favorite TWD characters. After amusing a dear friend with anecdotes of their stories, I have decided to turn them into a series of fics. Now, I must say a few things up front about this project. I imagine this taking place after Grady, but before Tyreese’s death. Essentially, the group leaves Gabriel at his church and then decides to take another prison and they find Morgan along the way. Nearby there are small groups of survivors who are trying to build a larger community (this is how I rationalize my TWD sims having jobs). I also decided to let the walkers in this fic behave like the zombies in Sims 3. This means that people are only walkers for the evenings of the full moon, but I set the full moon to everyday so really you should think of these walkers as nocturnal walkers. Furthermore, I’m mostly letting the sims decide what happens (the exception is Caryl, cause I actually can’t stand them being with other people) so this means pretty much all of the characters will act out of character, but that’s what makes these fics fun. So if a bunch of random hookups, (pillow) fights, and hot dog eating contests sound fun to you then read on :)
> 
> Oh, because I like knowing such organizational things…here’s the different houses with characters (age, job) and Glenn and Maggie are married and Rosita and Abraham are dating:  
> Cell Block A: Morgan (adult, politics)  
> Cell Block B: Glenn (young adult, culinary), Maggie (young adult, politics), Eugene (young adult, science), Tara (young adult, law enforcement), and Noah (teenager, bookstore)  
> Cell Block C (the active household): Carol (adult, journalism), Daryl (adult, life guard), Rick (adult, law enforcement), Michonne (young adult, law enforcement), Carl (kid, scouts), and Judith (toddler)  
> Cell Block D: Sasha (young adult, lifeguard), Abraham (adult, military), Rosita (young adult, medical), and Tyreese (young adult, athlete)  
> Cell Block E: Currently empty, but I plan on kids being born so I figured I’d make some room :)

**Day One**

They had done it. They had taken over a new prison and while many of them had some haunting memories of their first prison home, they were all excited to rest for a while. But who needs rest when you can have a party? After all, they’d earned it and they were safe.

Rosita had recently discovered that Abraham wasn’t the only man in the world who wasn’t a lying “scientist.” This means that she was taking special notice of how many attractive people there were in her apocalypse family. She stole a look across the cafeteria and gave Tyreese a very unsubtle wink.

Abraham didn’t mind. He and Maggie had snuck off to a corner to make out anyways.

Turned out, Glenn wasn’t quite as chill about infidelity as Rosita was. “What the hell, Maggie?”

“It’s just a par—what are Tara and Eugene doing?”

Eugene and Tara, for some unknown reason had started shouting at each other. Michonne could’ve sworn it was because Tara had rejected Eugene’s advance, but the narrator didn’t see so who can say?

“Well this night is starting off great,” muttered Maggie. “Let’s just not make out with other people if it’s going to cause problems, okay?”

“Okay,” said Glenn smiling as he went in for a kiss.

“I didn’t say we were going to makeout,” Maggie snapped. Glenn looked hurt. “Oh, I can’t stay mad at you.” But when Maggie went in for a kiss, Glenn rebuffed her and stormed off.

Rick and Tara had decided that they were not in the mood for a cycle of making out and fighting, so they decided to just quietly play chess as the party raged in the background.

“Wait, so you’re picking him?” asked an angry Abraham.

“He is my husband, Abraham. You helped him find me, remember?”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta pick him,” grumbled Abraham.

Suddenly, the full moon shone and Tara, Noah, and Rosita all turned into walkers. That sort of killed the mood of the party.

***

Later that night, in C Block, it’s inhabitants decided to quietly make the cells their home. Michonne and Carl took up a game of chess, neither wanting to get put on baby duty or be stuck in the same room as Carol and Daryl as they continued to dance around each other like teenagers.

Carol, finding a quiet space, finally had a second to catch her breath as she sat at the guard’s desk. She was startled when the computer suddenly beeped on. The power had been miraculously restored. How, you ask? Plot device.

The internet didn’t work, but she could see the guards had a porn folder going, so that should keep them busy on some long, uneventful nights. She accidentally opened up word because it was pinned too close to the task bar (an annoyance she’d forgotten she’d had). Staring at the blank page, Carol tentatively typed one word: Sophia.

***

Even though C Block had retired for the night, a few of the survivors felt that a few walkers, who could kill them, couldn’t kill their buzz.

“Can you believe Maggie is still with Glenn?” Abe grumbled to a confused Tyreese.

“I mean, they are married?”

“Yeah but we made out at this party.”

Tyreese stared blankly at Abraham.

“That means something.”

Tyreese decided there was not tactful way to exit this situation, so he just walked away.

Abraham was going to tell him that was rude, but he then spied the beautiful Sasha across the room. Snatching some flowers that Tara had picked for Judith, he swaggered his way over. “M’lady,” he said as he offered them to her.

Bewildered, but somewhat flattered, Sasha took them with a smile.

“Oh, he likes flowers?” Maggie thought, apparently completely forgetting that she and Glenn were together and a very strong ship. So she snatched the flowers out of Sasha’s hand and offered them to Abraham with a wink.

“Are you seriously going to regift those? Classy ladies don’t regift,” scoffed Abraham.

“Fine then!” shouted Maggie, “I guess you won’t get any flowers!” Maggie dramatically threw them to the ground.

Sasha wondered how she had ended up in this conversation.

Morgan approached Maggie as she stormed off. “That wasn’t very nice of you Maggie, wasting flowers like that. All life is precious.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Rosita had recovered from her brief brush of walkerism and went to confront Abraham. “Really? She gets flowers? How come you never gave me flowers?”

“We didn’t have time for that shit before.”

Glenn snickered as he watched the whole scene. Take away walkers and people trying to kill them, and they really were just a ridiculous mess.

“What’s so funny?” asked Rick as he walked up to Glenn.

“Abraham and Rosita are fighting.”

“’Bout what?” Rick looked around suspiciously, waiting for some new danger to suddenly appear.

“Nothing like that, man. He just gave flowers to Sasha.”

Rick blinked in confusion, “But isn’t he with Rosita?”

“Well yeah, that’s why they fought.”

“I’m too old for this shit,” Rick said as he rubbed his face.

Just then, Morgan joined them. “Glenn, son, you should be careful with Maggie. I saw you try to kiss her earlier, but you should know that she’s with Abraham.”

“Who are you again?” asked Glenn, “Maggie is my wife?”

“I don’t know, I followed you guys through the woods for a while, I think I would’ve figured that out.”

Just as Rick was about to try to sneak back to C Block, Sasha caught his arm. “Hey Rick, you’re the leader and all—”

Rick straightened up a bit. “Alright, leader talk,” he thought, “I can handle this.”

“—do you think Gleggie is going to last? Cause if not, Maggie and Abraham might get together, but he gave me the bouquet—”

Judith’s cry rang out suddenly. “Oh thank god,” said Rick as he left the clusterfuck that was that night to potty train his daughter.

***

As Rick put Judith’s diaper back on, Daryl walked into his cell. “How’s lil’ asskicker?”

Rick smiled, “She’s gonna start talking soon. I’d rather her first words weren’t asskicker.”

“I think everyone else would disagree,” smirked Daryl.

“Yeah well maybe they’re right,” Rick laughed, “Maybe I’ll take a poll.”

“Wait, are we back to being a democracy?” Daryl snorted.

“You back to not talkin’ to Carol about how you feel?”

“Man, shut up. I came here to offer to help you with lil asskicker, but maybe I’ll just go join the others and get shitfaced drunk, again.”

Despite being genuinely frustrated about the questioning of their form of government, Rick decided he could not inflict that party on his best bro. Besides, he needed to sleep. “No, please, lil asskicker has been missing her uncle Daryl.”

“Pfft. Fine, go get some sleep.”

Rick happily handed Judith off and crashed on a prison bunk.

“Alright lil’ asskicker,” Daryl cooed to the baby in his arms, “step one, learn how to walker. Step two, learn how to kick ass.”


	2. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But what happens when the party of night one ends? Just a hint of Caryl it turns out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes :)

**Day Two**

Carol happily flopped down on her cell bunk. She had been promoted, much to her relief. Being a paper girl at her age was downright humiliating. Not that being an automatic spellchecker checker was much better, but at least she didn’t have to wear that dumb baseball hat anymore. “I’ll give this to Glenn,” she thought as she tossed her baseball cap to the other side of her bed. She gently shut her eyes, sure that today was going to be a good day.

Normally, of course, this would mean that it would be a catastrophically bad day for our family of heroes. However, we are in crackfic land, so Carol’s suspicion turned out to be right.

As Rick patrolled the halls of C Block he found a note sticking out of the bars of Daryl’s cell. Being the nosy kind of a leader, he picked it up and opened it. He quickly shut it again as it was an obscene drawing of Daryl and Rosita (although it was pretty expertly rendered). The bottom of the folded note read: _Think about it – Rosita_. “Nothing’s getting in the way of my ship,” thought Rick as he crumpled up the letter.

Later, Daryl rapped softly on the bars of Carol’s cell. She stirred gently, “Yeah?”

“Hey,” said Daryl.

“Hey,” said Carol. Boy were these awkward. They really should have just kissed by now.

Daryl had, of course, come with the intent of talking to Carol about his feelings, but neither of them were very good at that so he abruptly changed his plan. “Have you heard about Glenn and Maggie?”

“No, are they fighting?” asked Carol, sitting up slightly.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Well her sister just died, it’s bound to cause some problems.”

“I thought we’d just ignore that so we could enjoy this crack fic.”

“Eh somethings are harder to write out than others,” replied Carol as she took a hard look at the empty space that Gabriel did not occupy.

Carl’s laugh rang up from the lower level of the cell, luckily interrupting their increasingly awkward conversation.

Carol and Daryl went to look over the edge of the railing. Carl and Michonne were playing tag as best they could with two people, one of whom was a samurai warrior and the other of whom the warrior was trying to amuse. Carol smiled down at them.

“Why don’t you join them?” asked Daryl.

“Wouldn’t you miss me?” she smirked.

“Stop,” he said with a huff.

Carol gently touched his shoulder before she went down to join in the tag. Daryl blushed like the fool in love he was.


	3. Day Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love notes stir some things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter 1 for notes :)

**Day Three**

As Michonne unfolded her freshly washed underwear, a note fell out. She picked it up and unfolded it.

_I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead? ;) ~ Rosita_

A couple of truly suggestive polaroids fell to Michonne’s feet. “Thank god for us not being picky on supply runs,” whispered Michonne as she ogled the photos.

Then she noticed the postscript.

_P.S. Maggie couldn’t find her own piece of paper so tear off this part and give it to Rick_

_You look great and all, but do you know what really looks good on you? Me._

“Staying put sure has an odd effect on us, doesn’t it?” Michonne was debating whether or not Rick’s head, or any other part of him, would explode if she gave him this note when she smelled waffles.

“Waffles, everyone!” called Carol from C block’s kitchen. “Get them while they’re smell good and ignore their expiration date!”

Everyone rushed down to the table and grabbed a waffle. “Daryl,” Rick said in between bites of eggo, “Can you watch Judith today? The rest of us got jobs to do today.”

“Sure, I don’t mind watching lil’asskicker.”

Rick just smirked, a day of free childcare was worth his baby being called an asskicker.

As the Michonne and Rick hurried off to the makeshift police station and Carl ran off to the community’s school, Daryl noticed Carol lingering and looking around the kitchen.

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked.

“Oh, just making a mental note of things to get done after a long, satisfying day of being an automated spellchecker checker.”

Daryl tried to have his mind cruise right past the words long and satisfying but was having trouble. “I could do that to—for you.”

Carol smiled, “Oh, you’ll have your hands full with this little asskicker. Anyways, I’ll see you tonight.”

Daryl watched her leave, as he always did. As I’m sure comes as no surprise to any reader, Daryl managed to get the chores done while taking care of his favorite asskicker.

***

Meanwhile, Michonne and Rick were having a good day at the office.

“Cheers!” said Michonne as she and Rick bumped donuts together. Not that long ago the idea of a donut seemed so impossible. Now, they were being cartoon-ish cops and having a donut day. Pure bliss.

“This sure beats being on the road, huh?” said Rick with a mouthful of donut.

“You’re such a dork,” laughed Michonne. “Oh,” she said reaching into her pocket, “I found this for you this morning.” Michonne handed over the note she’d found from Maggie.

Rick started to read it and his smile quickly faded, “Hershel’s ghost is gonna kill me.”

***

Back at the cell block, Daryl was started by a noise. He grabbed his knife and quickly ran towards the noise. Instead of the walker he feared he’d find, he was bewildered to find a painting of a cat.

“Da fuq?” he muttered. He then saw that there was a note attached.

_To: Carol_

_From: Morgan_

Daryl promptly kicked it over. He was about to toss it somewhere else when Michonne and Rick came back.

“Boy is getting promoted easy here,” called Rick.

“Y’all got promoted?” Daryl asked, trying to nonchalantly stand on the painting.

“No more being snitches, now we’re desk jockeys!” Rick and Michonne high fived.

Daryl was going to walk over and congratulate them, but he managed to trip on the painting. He heard Carol snicker from behind him.

“Of course she saw that,” he thought.

“You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me,” Carol said, winking at him as she walked past him to go congratulate Rick and Michonne.

“Too late,” Daryl thought.

“Hey Dad!” called Carl as he ran in. “We’retakingafieldtriptothemasoleumtomorrowcanIgo?” he said in one long breath.

Rick blinked a few times, “The mausoleum is a field trip?”

“We are living in a zom—walker apocalypse. Seems fitting,” commented Michonne.

“Sure, I guess,” said Rick. It seemed to be the right answer because Carl beamed at him before running off to his bunk.

Rick and Michonne saw Daryl approaching Carol. “Hey, let’s go play chess,” suggested Michonne apropos of nothing. It took Rick a second, but then he saw that he was about to get to play wingman, so he happily followed Michonne to the chess board.

“Hey,” Daryl said quietly.

“Hey,” said Carol, turning to smile at him.

Not having any more of a lead in, and with the narrator unable to think of one, Daryl gently put his arms around Carol and pulled her in close.


	4. Day Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A giftcard, mausoleum souvenirs, and alien rumors all make appearances as our family of heroes continue their crack fic adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes :)

**Day Four**

“A gift card? We still have these?” asked Rick to his boss.

“Sure, why not?” his boss said as he walked away.

Rick blinked in confusion at the gift card, what a strange community the group had found themselves in. Perhaps his confusion was aided by the fact that Judith was reverse cycling. This was not making life on the cell block the cracky fun it was supposed to be.

***

Meanwhile, Carl was getting into the crack fic spirit. The makeshift school had decided that the most appropriate field trip for the apocalypse was a trip to the local mausoleum.

“Now kids, here are what the dead used to look like. We took it for granted.”

Carl, who wasn’t really paying attention, managed to find an open coffin. Being a curious and increasingly morbid child, he picked up the skull and stared at it.

“Carl! Is that how we treat the dead?” his perky teacher asked.

“No, I guess we usually stab them in the brain,” Carl said matter-of-factly.

“Correct! Well done, Carl.”

***

Carol was relieved that she had once again being promoted. Turns out being a queen of the apocalypse had its benefits. She was now a freelance writer. Now how exactly a journalism career was useful at the end of the world wasn’t super clear, but Carol had been a journalist in a fic the narrator really liked so she didn’t question the choice too much.

Just after Carol came home, Carl ran in excitedly. “Carol! We went to the mausoleum!”

“I remember,” said Carol smiling at the beaming child.

“It was awesome, I touched a skull and I swiped a map of the cemetery and this cool gem.”

“There are gems at cemeteries?”

Carl shrugged his shoulders and ran to go put his new souvenirs in this bunk. Rick popped his head into the cell, “Seems like you had a good day. Did you learn anything?”

“You can find gems in cemeteries.”

“Sure,” said Rick. “Well, I heard a rumor today.”

Carl’s ears perked up like the cute puppy he was.

“Noah is an alien.”

“What? Dad, that doesn’t make sense.”

“Doesn’t have to,” replied Rick, "this is a crack fic."

Carl was going to ask another question or at least comment on the fun rhyme, but Eugene and Tyreese suddenly burst into the cell block in the middle of an intense fight.

Rich sighed, “Well, I should probably go deal with that.”


	5. Day Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer fest, ahoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes :)

**Day Five**

“Gather intel? Do you really talk like that?” Michonne said squinting at her boss.

“Hey, it’s the apocalypse, I’ll talk however I damn well please.”

“So what should I be looking for?” Michonne said, raising her eyebrow.

“You know,” her boss began. “Weird things,” he finished in a whisper.

***

“Not this shit again,” Daryl thought as he crumpled up an even more lude drawing from Rosita.

“Hey,” Carol said, entering Daryl’s cell.

Daryl blushed and hoped that Carol couldn’t see any of the drawing peeking out from his fingers.

Carol could, in fact, see the outline of a rather impressive dick on the paper stuck out from between his thumb and forefinger, but porn was hard to come by these days so she didn’t think too much of it. For once, she decided to spare him the embarrassment. “What do you think Tyreese and Eugene were fighting about?”

“Dunno,” Daryl shrugged.

“Think Eugene finally made a move?”

“Finally?!” Daryl almost yelped.

“Well yeah, anyone paying attention could see that sexual tension.”

Daryl, desperate to change the subject, looked out the high prison windows, it looked like a clear night. “Hey, do you maybe wanna, I don’t know, take a walk?”

Carol smiled, “Sure.”

The OTP took a stroll, enjoying the sounds of their family making poor choices in the background and watched the stars.

***

“Dad! Let’s play catch!” called Carl.

“It’s like 1am,” groaned Rick.

“So what? You’d get to cockblock Carol and Daryl again and you know how much you love doing that.”

Rick smirked, “Yeah let’s go play catch.”

Soon, the father and son, very nosily killed the mood outside.

“You know, Eugene and Maggie had a fight?”

“Are they a thing now?” asked a confused Carl. Poor Carl, so many relationships had become confusing since they’d found this new prison.

“Who can even keep track?” shrugged Rick.

“Well I saw Rosita and Abraham flirting,” gossiped Carl.

“That’s not gossip, Carl. They’re together. Learn the difference,” said Rick, disappointed. He knew Carl wouldn’t have a normal upbringing, but to not even understand gossip, he was failing as a parent.

They must have been playing catch for a very long time, or the narrator failed to make note of what else was going on, because the sun had risen.

“Hey, the community is having a summer festival today, we should go,” smiled Carl, catching the ball (of what kind, the narrator had not made a note).

***

Pie, the narrator had scribbled as a note, but without more context it’s hard to say what this meant. Maybe it’ll come to her later.

***

“A hot dog eating contest?” asked Daryl, blinking at the sign.

“Come on, Michonne, let’s do it!” said Carl, tugging at the samurai’s arm.

“I think I’ll do it too,” said Carol with a smirk.

“You’re just…gonna…swallow…a bunch of…hot dogs?” said Daryl, his mind working slowly.

“Don’t let it give you too many ideas,” replied Carol with a wink before skipping, yes skipping, off to join Michonne and Carl at the eating contest stand.

Daryl decided he shouldn’t watch. He couldn’t stand the hell he’d catch for popping a boner watching an eating contest.

Perhaps it was because Daryl wasn’t there to either cheer her on or leer at her, Carol didn’t place in the eating contest. Carl, because he was a growing boy, had won the contest and the Michonne had taken a very acceptable second place.

Rick, meanwhile, was roller skating while humming, “Born to Make History.”

“Should he know that reference?” Michonne asked Carol, wiping bits of hotdog off her mouth.

“Shhhh,” said Carol, “Just let it happen.”

Rick suddenly fell on his face after Carl threw a water balloon at him.

“Hang on,” said Michonne, “I gotta get in on this.” With filled water balloons appearing out of nowhere, cause reasons, the three had a very fun fight.

Someone had luckily remembered to bring Judith along, and with Michonne, Carl, and Rick conjuring infinite water balloons and Daryl long ago having excused himself to the bathroom, Carol thought this was the perfect time to teach Judith to walk.

Suddenly, Carol’s badass sense was tingling. A rando was in trouble! Since the narrator didn’t say how, we’ll go with it was a walker. She swooped in and saved the day, and then promptly went back to Judith.

Daryl had finally calmed down enough to leave the bathroom, so he made his way over to Carol, who was sitting on the ground with Judith.

“Tyreese got promoted,” said Carol apropos of nothing.

“How’d you find that out?” he asked.

“Huh. I never really thought about that,” said Carol, thinking for the first time about the odd parameters of the world she lived in.

In the background, having grown bored of the water balloons, or perhaps finally depleting the seemingly infinite supply, Carl and Michonne decided to play soccer.

“Daryl,” said Carol quietly.

“Yeah?”

She reached out for his hand, so he could help her up. He quickly took her hand, but she held them a moment longer.

A bit overwhelmed, Daryl let go and look around at his feet. There were some white flowers. They weren’t Cherokee roses, but they’d do. In a quick movement, he picked them and handed them to Carol.

She smiled at him, she was about to say more when she noticed Michonne pick up her cell phone cause apparently those were a thing again.

“Hello?” asked Michonne confused, she hadn’t had a cell phone for a while.

“Hey, Michonne, it’s Glenn. Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me. Just me. Not me and Maggie, cause that’d be weird.”

Michonne, without thinking, said, “Sure.”

“Oh hey actually something came up and I’m busy.”

***

Out of nowhere, Daryl realized he had been promoted to mouth breather. What a day this was turning out to be.

***

“C’mon, Michonne, you know people ship us, let’s just do it,” said Rick, taking Michonne’s hands suggestively.

Michonne smiled and let herself be led to the dancefloor. There, Rick and Michonne did the most epic chicken dance this crack fic had ever seen.

While everyone was distracted, Carl ran off to get an allergy shot. Because allergies are really the thing you need to worry about during a zombie apocalypse.

Just then, the other members of their extended family showed up at the festival.

Maggie marched rick over to rick and handed him flowers.

“WHAT THE HELL, MAGGIE?! I SWEAR YOUR DAD’S HEAD IS GOING TO REAPPEAR AND FREAK THE FUCK OUT!” Rick yelled in his yell-y voice.

Maggie shrugged and just seemed disappointed.

The moon rose and suddenly Tyreese, Eugene, and Abraham were walkers, but they seemed to just amble about so no one paid them much attention.

“If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable,” Tara said to Daryl.

“The hell? I thought you only liked chicks.”

“Crack fic has a way of,” Tara looked him up and down, “complicating things.”

Luckily, Sasha and Morgan loudly announcing that they were now in an exclusive relationship, broke up that weird moment.

However, things got weirder when Morgan went over to Carol and asked, “Do you drink milk? It sure did your body good.”

Daryl then quietly snuck up behind Morgan and yelled, “BOO!”

Despite usually appearing pretty zen, that seemed to scare the hell out of Morgan and he went back to hanging out with his girlfriend.

***

Perhaps because it was the summer festival, more of the characters felt it was time to exchange flowers. Tara gave a bouquet to Glenn and somehow this made Rick mad at Eugene. Perhaps Eugene was on that Tara/Glenn ship and Rick was a classic Gleggie fan.

Thankfully, Carl and Noah had decided to nope out of their family acting crazy and just played tag.

“Hey Glenn,” smirked Rosita as she approached him, “I think I just dropped something. My jaw.” She winked at him in case her pickup line as too weird for him to pick up on.

This was, apparently, the last straw for everyone. Flirt all you like, but just have the decency to hide it a bit better or, at least, come up with a better line. The group circled around them and yelled.

“What the actual fuck, Glenn?”

“Didn’t you draw pictures of us together?”

“Isn’t he married?”

“If you’re going to force us all to listen to you flirting, at least have a better line!”

As the yelling died down, Carol pulled Daryl away. “Let everyone else yell,” said Carol with a smile, “Let’s go watch the stars.”

“Yeah, fuck this noise.”


	6. Day Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Way too many bouquets, a gifted sword, and a long overdue kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes :)

**Day Six**

Seemingly not having learned his lesson and managing to ignore the angry crowd that was definitely still around them, Glenn gave Rosita a bouquet of flowers.

"Glenn," Michonne calls out, "You know that Rosita was like, really mean to Maggie. Not cool."

Maggie then spins to Rick and once again offers him a bouquet of flowers. Rick decided he'd be a dick if he rejected her again, so he sheepishly took them

Perhaps because of the stress or perhaps just because of game glitches, Noah and Morgan both peed themselves at once. However, people seem to mostly ignore it. It was the apocalypse after all, surely they'd seen each other pee before.

“Rick, why did you accept those flowers?” demanded Tyreese.

“Cause they’re pretty,” said Rick with a smile.

“Keep acting like that and you will have to back to your own cell block. We don’t tolerate that kinda crap here in cell block D.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, these are neither, but I like you,” says Tara, offering Maggie a bouquet and hoping to break the tension between Tyreese and Rick. This was supposed to be just crack after all.

“That’s it!” yells Rick and he and Tyreese began to fight.

“I also find you to be rude,” says Eugene to Glenn before pushing him over. Now you may ask, who won these fights? The narrator wishes she knew, but she didn’t make a note.

***

Rick wakes up the next morning as he always did, not regretting any of the poor decisions he’d made. However, this morning he also woke up to a note taped to his chest.

_I saw you and Tyreese fight last night and it got me horny. Come see me later? ;) ~Rosita_

There was also a note taped to his foot that said it was for Michonne, but Rick decided to read it anyways.

_Hey, we’re together in comics, why don’t we get together in this fic? ~Tyreese_

***

Daryl decided that he was done with this slow-burn ship shit. He strides over to Carol and says, “Carol, I want you.”

“Thank fuck,” she says and then he kissed her.

And thus the Caryl ship began to sail gloriously.

***

Just as Rick finished getting ready, Carl ran into his cell. “Dad, turns out this community has a dating service. You should totally sign up!”

“You sure you’re ready for that?”

“Well, Dad, you’re not hallucinating Mom anymore, so I think that’s a sign that you’re ready. Plus, it’s not like she waited crazy long to start banging Shane.”

Rick nodded, “A good point. Alright, I’ll do the thang.” Rick signed up for this mysterious dating service on the computer that, even more mysteriously, still worked. However, while the point of this was surely to meet new people, he only responded to the profiles of women he already knew cause, after all, Rick didn’t trust easily. Rick clicked the little heart for Rosita, Tara, Sasha, and Maggie cause he wasn’t very particular.

“Whatcha doin’?” asked Daryl.

“Swiping right on Maggie even though she was rude to Noah,” replied Rick, seeming to have taken a turn on whether or not Hershel’s ghost would kill him. “But you don’t care, right? You tried to kill him once.”

“Just the one time and Carol had almost died, I’m pretty sure he forgave me for that.”

***

“I don’t think our boss likes me,” Michonne says casually to Rick once they’re at the office.

“Why’s that?”

“Well he gave you a giftcard, cause those are still a thing, and I have to take the fall for his mistakes.”

“Actually, I think the narrator chose for you to do that cause the other option was you being a dick.”

“Rick,” their boss calls out, “you’re getting a raise.”

Michonne stuck her tongue out at Rick.

“Richonne, you’re both getting a promotion. You are now traffic cops.”

“But…is there traffic?” asks Rick.

“Dunno, your job to find out.” With that, their boss vanishes again.

“Yay?” says Rick tentatively.

“I guess,” shrugs Michonne. “Hey, do you think Glenn and Maggie are going to break up?”

“Well she is on the dating app. I swiped right on her this morning.”

Michonne tried to contain her shock at the ridiculousness of this situation. “What did she say?”

“Hmm, lemme check.” Rick pulled up his dating profile on his work computer, cause that’s how things work at the police station during the apocalypse. “Well Tara strung a very impressive list of expletives together and Maggie said, ‘God, Rick, I don’t have daddy issues THAT big.”

***

Later that day, Maggie approached Eugene tentatively. “If I had to rate you from 1-10, I would rate you as a 9 because I am the one that you are missing,” she said quickly as she offered him a bouquet of flowers. When the characters had the time to prepare all of these bouquets during a zombie apocalypse, the narrator wasn’t sure.

“You should have rated me a 10,” huffed Eugene before walking away.

The flower giving continued with Morgan tapping Tara on the shoulder and offering her a bouquet after saying, “You look great and all, but do you know what really looks good on you? Me.”

Eugene, for some reason, saw this as his opportunity to make a move. “Morgan,” he began, “I feel like a Toyota because I couldn’t stop myself from accelerating over to you.” Then he produced yet another bouquet and gave it to Morgan.

Thankfully, another crack relationship had decided to interact in a different way. Rosita used the distraction of the bouquets to quietly grab Glenn’s hands.

But then the moon rose and, much to her dismay, it turned out that Glenn and Noah were were-walkers.

***

Carol had decided that, as a journalist, she needed to investigate everyone. She had already interviewed Morgan so she decided to write up her report.

Rick walked past Carol typing and promptly tripped over a plant and fell on a sword. He was about to yell at Michonne to not leave her sword lying around when he saw that each of these items had a note. On the plant, the note read:

_Michonne, the only STD I have is sexually transmitted desire…for you. ~Morgan_

On the sword, the note read:

_Carol, are you a musician vampire? Because my organ is filling up with blood. ~Morgan_

Rick shuddered slightly at the terrible pick-up lines. It was almost team family had found a buzzfeed list of bad ones. He also briefly wondered if the notes should’ve gone on the opposite objects. Before he, and the narrator, began to think too much about this, Daryl strode past him and over to Carol. Rick was only somewhat jealous that Daryl had managed not to trip on anything.

Daryl tapped Carol on the shoulder and nodded his head towards the door. This was, of course, his way of asking Carol on a date. Carol smiled and followed Daryl outside. Unfortunately, the super romantic picnic he had prepared had gotten soaked in a sudden downpour.

Daryl looked disappointed, but Carol smiled and said, “Oh, just kiss me again.”

“In the rain?”

She smiled again and said, “It’ll be like a damn romance novel.”

The OTP kissed and, indeed, it was like a damn romance novel.


End file.
